Crusak's Blog

And For My Next Trick...

2011-11-15T00:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, I've got nothing.

Seriously, for a few months now I have sat down at my computer on several occasions, started to write and.... nothing. Life has been good. The drama and accompanying story of the past year and a half has dwindled down to just an occasional reflection on how well this year has gone. And wondering about the things that could be so much better.

So, here goes a bit of free writing. Just gonna let the fingers flow and whatever comes out, well, that's what gets published... minimal editing, I promise.

I've nearly doubled the total miles of hiking that I set as a goal for this year. With just a few more hikes I should hit the 400-mile mark for 2011. Even crazier, I can also hit 100,000 feet of elevation gain for the year as well.

I broke my all-time distance record for a day hike this year, on October 22nd: 26.5 miles in one day! After that hike I was so wonky I could hardly drive home. But with the encouragement and help of my TFFs I finished. Sean, Mark and Eric really saved my butt on that hike. If they hadn't stuck by me and fed me Pringles 'n' Powerade at the end I'd have been stuck on the mountain overnight. But they patiently stayed with me. Super bunch of guys, and the best trail friends anyone could ask for.

Never in my fondest fantasies did I think that I could have such an action-packed year of hiking. And the year isn't over yet!

My routine has settled into this: work, exercise, dinner, reading, and bedtime. What's my motivation to exercise? Honestly, getting out nearly every weekend to hike has been motivation enough. Exercising to stay fit, but also to improve my ability to hike farther and higher than ever. And successful hikes encourage me to continue working out. The progress of one feeds off the other. A wonderful circle of fitness and fun.

Not all of my life is rosy and pleasant. Unfortunately, over the past few years things have grown cold on the homefront. And over the course of this year the problem has spiraled out of control. I can't say that I am unhappy - my wife of 23 years is still here (or there), even though she's not particularly impressed with my 30-lb weight loss or hundreds of miles of hiking. I suppose that is the greatest puzzle that I have yet to figure out: why is my wife so distant, and what can I do to turn things around? She avoids all physical contact with me. She wants nothing to do with the books I'm reading, my friends, my activities, my interests. She just doesn't care about the things that are important to me. Does she even care about me? It's hard to say. She's never been the kind of wife that offers encouragement or support. It's just not her way, I guess.

A few years back I was suffering with low self esteem and depression. My wife told me that it wasn't her job to encourage me, or help me out of the slump I was in. She said I had to find my own strength. Fast-forward to 2011. My self-confidence is at an all-time high. I've reached levels of fitness that I never dreamed possible for a middle-aged man. My professional life has gotten progressively better. I am respected and appreciated by the people I work with. As for my 'internet' friends, they all seem to have favorable opinions of me. Everyone around me seems to think I'm okay. I think I'm okay. Why doesn't my wife think so? At times I even get the feeling that she can't stand me. And yet, she is still here. Why? I just don't understand.

Reading! I have rediscovered the joy of reading this year. I have read so many books this year, both hardback and Kindle books. I've read books from all sorts of genres - history, biographies, science fiction, fantasy fiction, classics, old and new books. So many free books available for Kindle, and even more available for less than two dollars at the Kindle Store. It's been a great experience and I'm very happy with my Kindle. But I also enjoy the feeling of a good hardback book in my hands.

With a recent upgrade to my gaming PC, I'm back in action again, lighting up the streets in the first-person shooter Battlefield 3. Now if I could just find the motivation to clean up my office, life would nearly be complete!

That, and finding a way to rekindle my love life. Part of me feels very strongly that I deserve to be loved, and to be with someone who loves me. But that doesn't seem to be the case. I haven't given up on my marriage... yet... but I've said and done everything I can think of. She doesn't want to talk about it, at all. She doesn't want to have any kind of intimate relationship - physical or emotional. What does that mean? What can I do? What should I do?

And so, I hike. The miles roll by, and I find solace and healing on the trail. Sometimes I think that the only thing keeping me on an even keel is the hiking. So far this year has been one of success on so many fronts. I am very proud of my accomplishments. I'm also very humbled by my good fortune, God's blessings and by the friends that have crossed my path. Undeserving? At times I've felt that way.

Physically, mentally and socially I am very sound. Spiritually?

I do believe in the divine origin of the universe. Certainly not in the literal translation of the Bible that gets viciously maligned by non-believers. But I do think the Bible is a divinely inspired account, written in the language of the time, and with the limited understanding of the writers. Which for me makes it all the more wondrous. How could 'primitive' shepherds and fishermen put such profound and life-changing words into writing? They had the proper inspiration, that's how.

My life experiences, and particularly the hundreds of hours I've spent outdoors over this past year, have shown me that the order and symmetry that springs out of the chaos of the universe cannot be due to blind chance. How is it possible that life, and humans exist in this tiny little pocket of order amid the swirling maelstrom of chaos that envelopes most of the universe? I strongly believe that a divine being set events in motion eons ago that caused it all to happen.

But certainly I do not put limits on a God capable of such amazing works. I wouldn't be surprised at all of there are other intelligent beings in the universe. A Creator that can cause life and order to spring forth in our solar system could certainly cause the same thing to happen in thousands of other solar systems. Who can put limits on God?

Did I leave any subject untouched? I've laid bare the pain of my marriage relationship, and my hopes for better times ahead. I've bragged a bit about the miles and hills I've conquered this year. And I've preached about the virtues of daily exercise. My beliefs about creation and life and the divine, yeah I covered that too. And now for my next trick...?

Okay, I've got nothing.

Taking Chances

2011-07-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, while a young man in high school I decided to become a basketball player. At the age of 16, I had plenty of catching up to do. Just to get to a level where I could compete with my peers was a huge undertaking. My family was poor and couldn't afford to send me to basketball camps in the summer. I had no training equipment at home, except for a basketball and a road bike. So I had to get creative, and I had to work very hard year-round.

At one point during my junior year of high school I came across this quotation, and I found it to be so inspiring that even today I draw strength and courage from it:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat." - Theodore Roosevelt

Fast forward to the present. For over a year now I have been hard at it again, but now my passion and obsession is hiking. Strength training, stationary biking, road biking, strenuous day hikes in steep mountain terrain, and a big change in my eating habits has yielding some positive results. I've lost nearly 30 pounds, and I feel great. My energy and endurance levels are better than they've been in about 20 years. I still have some nagging, troublesome medical issues, but I'm not letting those keep me off the trail.

Now the time has come for me to put all that hard work to the test: next weekend I plan to attempt the loop hike of both Elk Mountain and Kings Mountain in the Oregon Coast Range. Nearly 11 miles long, with 3700 feet of elevation gain, this trail is rugged. Many hikers use this loop as a 'training' hike to prepare for mountain climbing. I've never done this loop in its entirety before and I admit, I am a little intimidated. The last thing I want to do is risk injuring myself, especially at this stage. But the time has come. I will summit Elk Mountain and Kings Mountain both in a single day.

This loop hike is very popular, and hikers from all over the area do it on a regular basis. So for the average hiking enthusiast it isn't such a big deal. But for me, it is a major undertaking. If you'd asked me a year ago if I would ever attempt to summit either of these mountains, I probably would have laughed and said, 'No way!'

I have a couple of friends who plan to join me on this hike. Both of them have inspired me, in different ways. Through my interactions with the members of the Portland Hikers forum I have found plenty of encouragement, inspiration and motivation. The trip reports and photos posted on that forum by its members are a constant reminder of how blessed I am to live in such a magical place. Oregon and Washington have some spectacular wilderness to explore, and I plan to see as much of it as I am able to - up close and in person.

For next weekend's hike I plan to take my time and just enjoy the moment. There is plenty of new trail up there that I haven't explored yet, and there is also some danger. A steady pace and careful foot placement should bring me safely back down to the safety of my truck.

When I get home, there will be a 22oz bottle of Full Sail Old Boardhead Barleywine Ale waiting for me. But I have to earn it, first. I see this hike as a major test for me. If I'm able to clear this hurdle, I will consider myself fully recovered and fit for just about every other hike imaginable.

But... what if I fail? What if I am unable to finish, or I get injured?

If the worst happens, at least I will have given it my all. As an athlete that is what I've always done. Even though my skills as a basketball player were average at best, every time I hit the court I gave it everything I had. I never let my opponent get an easy shot, and I contested every rebound. The ball was MINE. Of course, at first and especially in my high school days, I failed quite a bit. Starting a sport at age 16 was very difficult, and I lacked the aggressiveness and experience to excel. Later as a young adult, and especially after my time in the military, I finally reach the point where I knew how to focus and be the aggressor and occasionally dominate.

But next weekend, all I need to do is finish. One step at a time. And I'll have my buddies there to encourage me. 'Giddy' would best describe how I feel at the moment. I am ready.

Shortest Blog Post Ever!

2011-06-22T19:39:00.000-07:00

This may likely end up being my shortest blog post ever. At least, the shortest one since I started writing more seriously.

Today I hiked the Eagle Creek Trail in the Columbia River Gorge of Oregon. It's one of the most amazing trails I've ever hiked. And it's the place where my dad, my brother and I did our first backpacking trip in Oregon. In fact, it's also the trail where my dad and I did our last hike together, before his untimely death in 1995. So to say that Eagle Creek is full of memories would be an understatement.

One year ago I underwent ACL reconstruction surgery. Fortunately, with God's grace and a little luck I've recovered quite nicely. Going for 10 mile day hikes is something I can do with ease now. I feel truly lucky, and blessed. All the hard work I did after surgery has paid off, too. My weight and my health are both very good. But I plan to make this the last time I whine about the surgery. I think that chapter in my life is done. I am healed.

I've hiked over 150 miles so far this year. That total is more than I've ever done in one year by a long shot. In past years I'd be lucky to get in 50 miles of hiking for an entire year. And I've still got six months to go!

Thinking of my dad this past weekend caused me to make some comparisons - what would he think of his oldest son, if he were alive to see me today? Am I anything like he was at age 46? Not really. We were actually very different in many ways, and we had different ideas about the world. But that made our relationship interesting. He was my best friend and constant companion. We did just about everything together. Every day I miss dad. But today especially.

Motivation - Drive - Where Does It Come From?

2011-05-21T22:44:00.000-07:00

Motivation to succeed, to accomplish a goal, to complete a task - where does that come from? What drives us to rabidly pursue our dreams with everything we've got? I often get asked that very thing. People ask me all the time, 'how do you stay motivated to do basic exercise and to eat a (mostly) healthy diet?' Honestly, I have a hard time coming up with a definitive answer.

Last year, after having the ACL reconstruction surgery (which I've well-documented and whined about in my blog) I found myself facing a long uphill road to recovery; it's a road I'm still traveling on today. It's been 11 months, and while I can hike 11+ miles in one day, and I can function very well in everyday activities, there is still a frailty in my knee that is holding me back. I still have difficulty running without severe pain. Sudden or explosive moves are difficult and very painful. I can put one foot in front of the other, though, and for now that is very encouraging. So overall I feel very lucky and very blessed.

Every day for the past 11 months I have been focused and motivated to exercise, to watch my eating, and to get stronger. I have researched food and exercise, I've asked questions, and I have (sort of) followed the guidance of my doctor and physical therapist. I can't think of any other time in my life that I have had this kind of focus, especially for this long. Wait, there was another time in my life when I was this focused: in high school, and back then my passion was basketball!

I got a very late start in my amateur basketball career. At the age of 16 my health class teacher (who happened to be the basketball coach) announced that since I was 6'5" tall, I was going to play basketball. With his 'encouragement' I decided to join the team. I knew very little about basketball. My skills were so bad the coach announced to me that he was going to teach me to do EVERYTHING with BOTH hands - since I was equally awful at executing anything basketball-related with either hand.

From that point on I dedicated every waking hour of life to basketball. My family was extremely poor, so I didn't get to go to any training camps or clinics. But I did what I could to get stronger, go faster, and increase my skills. By the end of my junior year of high school I could shoot, dribble, dunk, or do just about anything with either hand. And I added 14" to my vertical leap - basically on my own, and without the help of a personal trainer or coach or mentor of any kind. But then again, while going from NO SKILLS to HAVING skills is a big leap, from there the real work began. Now that I was a basketball player, it was time to improve my game.

So over the course of my high school basketball experience I worked hard, but mostly spent the entire time playing 'catch-up' with the other players, many of whom had been playing since shortly after they got themselves potty-trained. But as a result of all that work, I won MOST IMPROVED PLAYER every single year. Every year. Whether that was just a token award given to a nice guy or a reward truly earned, I really can't say. But it meant something to me. It meant everything to me back then. Vindication, validation, call it what you want to - my teammates every season voted me as the most improved. Did that mean I worked harder than the rest? Probably not. But I was possibly the most motivated. Why?

After high school, I continued playing basketball in various minor organized sports leagues for another 12 years (until that fateful day when I tore up my ACL).

Fast-forward to the year 2010, and it was time for me to go under the knife. I knew that I was facing a long, slow recovery, and that at age 45 the likelihood of complications was much higher. Plus I'd gained a little weight (pre-surgery weight was over 250 pounds) and I was very out of shape.

Never in my life have I felt pain at the levels I experienced after ACL surgery. I realize that ACL surgery isn't necessarily the worst thing out there, but for me it was the worst thing to date. Factor in the complications (circulation problems in the surgery leg, previous history of blood clots) and I was not only in pain, I was concerned. At first I followed the doctor's instructions and I did the therapy as prescribed. My progress, while steady and progressively better as time went along, often felt more like a roller-coaster than anything else. Most of the time it felt like I was in a continual loop of doing too much, paying the price (mostly in pain levels) and backing off a bit until I got the nerve to push forward again.

Still, as time passed the hills became more manageable, and the pain lessened. I was fortunate enough (blessed enough!) that my body accepted the new ligament and attachment hardware without rejection or other issues. When I had my 'final' appointment with the surgeon in March 2011 he stated that my knee was significantly stronger and more stable than it was before surgery. At that time I told him about all the things I'd been up to that he had specifically told me NOT to do - hiking, snowshoeing... Yeah, the doc just raised his eyebrows and said, 'well, sounds like you're recovering nicely!' and he cautioned me that while I felt good, my muscle development was only at about 60% and I needed to be careful until then end of 2011. So I'm being careful. Sort of.

But back on topic: motivation, drive - where does it come from? My athletic experiences and successes, as modest as they have been, have mostly come from a lot of sweat and dedication to constant, daily work. Boring, hard work. And just like back in high school, today I'm working my booty off because I have a deep desire to hike farther and longer and higher than I've ever hiked. But wait, am I saying that I am motivated because I'm... motivated? That doesn't make sense. Hmmm...

I've been inspired by friends and acquaintances at Portland Hikers. What a nice group of people! Patient, modest, and extremely friendly, they're some of the most amazing athletes I've ever interacted with. My family and friends have always called me 'the hiker' over the years - compared to most of the forum members at Portland Hikers I am merely a poser. For now. By the end of the year, who knows? Heck, I'm shooting for another 'most improved' award, of sorts. If nothing else, I have established some well-defined hiking and fitness goals, and my motivation comes in part from a very strong desire to accomplish those goals. Not to impress others! I'm after a more lofty prize - spending long days in wilderness areas is just about the best reward I can think of.

But still it feels like I have left my question somewhat unanswered - what's my motivation? Even now I can feel it, the desire, burning desire to work towards my goals. I want to have legs of steel, the endurance and strength of the most able of hikers. I want to be able to put in a 20-mile day and have enough left in the tank to explore that challenging ridge above camp after dinner, just because it's there. I want to be that kind of hiker.

This is what I know: I have goals. I have well-defined ideas and methods and plans for how I can potentially accomplish my goals. I know that every effort I make towards the prize brings me one step closer. To stray from the path only causes costly delays - so passing up on the donuts at work is very easy. At this point the only thing that may keep me from my goals is my body. Am I up to the task? I certainly plan to find out!

More New Experiences!

2011-03-05T15:09:00.000-08:00

This post might not measure up with the drama-filled, emotional writings of the past few months. Today I am rather relaxed and content, enjoying the unexpected late winter sunshine and a day at home working on chores. But I do feel compelled to write a little, so maybe something interesting will leap from my brain to the page...

It's a new month and a new year, and so far 2011 has proved to be a year of exciting new experiences. In January I hiked an icy snow-packed trail in the Columbia River Gorge - my first snow hiking adventure. During February I experienced a couple of firsts - I went on my first two snowshoeing trips (loved it!) and I tried Turbotax and e-filing. While some people wouldn't consider doing taxes exciting, for me it was so much easier than doing what I did for the past 23 years, which was old-school 'pencil and paper' tax returns. Yeah, I've always done my own taxes. And the snowshoeing was truly a delight. My MSR Lightning Ascent 30 snowshoes performed flawlessly, and supported my slightly large frame quite well. I posted a trip report about my snowshoeing on the Portland Hikers forum. Hopefully I will be able to get out to snowshoe again at least one more time before all the white stuff melts away.

2011 is turning out to be quite a year for hiking, thanks to some free weekends and an accommodating wife who allows me to get out just about whenever I want to. I've logged nearly 48 miles on trails so far. I've lost 25 pounds in the past eight months, and it feels great. Recently I cut back on some of the exercise that I've been doing. No more weightlifting for now, since my shoulder has been bothering me (not sure what's up there). I've been just doing push-ups, crunches, and stationary bike. On weekends I've been hiking at least once, as long a trip as I can find time for.

Today I noticed something that is a good sign. I have settled into some very healthy habits. My strict dieting and exercise has paid big dividends. I feel fantastic and physical activity is so much more tolerable than it has been for a very long time. Yet in some ways it seems that rather than making gains and increasing my fitness, I have merely reset my fitness clock back to zero. I'm still not anywhere near as fit as I was in my 20's (and I might never get there... but it's worth trying). Certainly I have nothing to brag about. My accomplishments have been modest at best. My success so far has been the result of God's healing power, good fortune and hard work. Mostly the first two. I am humbled and grateful that I've been lucky enough to heal, increase my strength and improve my overall health.

With the goals I have for this year I know that I need to continue exercising and monitoring my diet. Hopefully with any luck and no injuries I'll be fit and able to reach my goals. Speaking of which... What's on the agenda for March 2011? Possibly I may do some more hiking in the Coast Range, and the Columbia River Gorge area. Forest Park in Portland is another good place for winter hikes. Maybe I'll do all three! Happy Trails to you all.

Super Bowl XLV or a day of hiking?

2011-02-05T21:53:00.000-08:00

This past week I tossed an idea around in my head: wow, wouldn't Sunday be a great day for a hike? After all, there is rain in the forecast, and it's Super Bowl Sunday. Surely the crowds on the trails would be smaller, right? Hmmm likely many hiking enthusiasts are making that same prediction. So, my guess? Oregon hikers do not stay home on rainy days. And most of the serious hikers probably don't watch the Super Bowl.

But, after much negotiating with family and friends I realized that I can have it all - an early morning hike, and Super Bowl XLV in the afternoon. Sweet! Sounds like a balanced day. So it looks like tomorrow I get a chance to get out and get some fresh air in the woods. And fill up on junk food later.

This evening I took a peek at the past few months of blog posts that I've made. Packed with emotion, conviction, frustration, excitement and some very personal stuff, my posts surprised me quite a bit. I've always enjoyed expressing myself with words. If I were to label myself I'd say that I am a complex person and a deep thinker. There are several odd dichotomies in my personality. Contradicting traits and ideas that somehow make up the singularity that is me. Am I crazy? Maybe.

I try very hard to keep an open mind. At the same time, I am deeply committed to my principles. In my mind I really do see that in life and in the world there are absolutes - right and wrong, good and evil. Yet I also see that every time we think we've got it all figured out, something comes along that blows our theories out of the water and makes us re-think what we have held as firm truth for years.

But I wonder - how far does this idea go? Could it apply to religion? In my mind, yes and no. Most of the world's religions are largely creations of man. Flawed and unable to satisfy, religion by itself does not fill the void in our souls. Yet religion binds us together, and joins like-minded people in worship. Can that be bad?

I really do try to be open-minded. During discussions about the existence of God, a Creator, I find some people's explanations of their beliefs in God to be very... narrow. For me, it is hard to 'box' God in, to compartmentalize the Creator into a space that fits well with my religious beliefs. Can the Creator be less than omnipresent and omnipotent? Thomas Jefferson said it best: "Question with boldness even the very existence of God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear!" I believe in God. Our Creator. Do I place limits on God? No.

Okay, the flip side: atheism? Sure. Did I mention recently that I really, really like hiking in wilderness areas?

I find it impossible to imagine that the conditions present in the universe that allow us to enjoy the perfect climate and conditions on Earth happened by accident. Our galaxy, our solar system, and our planet are all perfectly poised in space and time to allow for life to exist on the Earth. The heavenly bodies move in harmony, perfectly in sync with each other. It is a truly awe-inspiring arrangement. How could this all be happening by accident? I see a divine hand at work, somewhere-some way-somehow.

When I get out in the woods hiking, and I see the balance in nature, the changing of the seasons that cleanses and renews the world around us - chance, fate, an accident? Impossible, I say. It is God's Hand at work, God's plan set into motion and existing at his pleasure.

Did God create the world in seven days? Has the Earth only been around for 6,000 years? What about the dinosaurs? Was there really a 'great flood' that wiped out everything? Is the Bible truly the Word of God?

I will not put limits on God. Any being capable of causing everything around us to come into existence and function with such harmony is more than capable of deeds far exceeding my comprehension. Yet I do have a mind. I've seen dinosaur bones. I've seen the eons of time revealed in deep canyons. I've seen the fossil records and evidence that the Earth is very old. My answers? I have only one: we do not have all the answers. And we need to keep seeking the truth, while at the same time realizing and recognizing the truth that is all around us.

I toss crazy ideas around in my head all the time. Has God created other worlds and populated them with humans, or other self-aware beings? Would He do so? Has God created and/or destroyed humans or other beings in the past? If so, what happened to them? Can God be compared to an artist? Imagine God as an artist, expressing Himself through His creations? Possibly wiping the slate clean when His creations turn out to be less than he hoped? What will happen to us in the future?

Anyone who has navigated to this post accidentally, or with purpose (which one are you?) is probably wondering what direction I'm trying to take this monologue. Honestly? Tonight I really felt compelled to write. Lacking a solid topic or event or subject to write about I decided to just start typing, and see what came out. Well, there you go. More of Jim's ramblings, and a deeper peek under the lid of his mind.

Sometimes It's Not About The Destination

2011-01-04T21:06:00.000-08:00

In my final blog post of 2010 I reflected back on the past year, spoke about some new friends and also set some realistic hiking goals for the new year. At the start of the 2011 I decided to come up with a theme for the year. After much thought I decided to make this well-known phrase a 'motto' of sorts: "sometimes it's not about the destination, but more about the journey."

On January 2nd I knocked off a couple of 'firsts' - my first hike ever in the snow, and my first trip to the summit of Dog Mountain in the Columbia River Gorge (on the Washington State side). I posted some pictures and a trip report here: Dog Mountain Hike, 01/02/2011 (the trail is 7 miles long, with 2800 feet of elevation gain)

This hike was quite challenging for me, not only physically but also mentally. It had been almost two months since my last hike, and I still have reservations about taking risks with my surgery knee. The steep terrain and weather conditions on Sunday's hike certainly proved to be a great test. The ice and snow on the upper half of the trail was, at first, a bit overwhelming.

The conditions were not the issue - it was my mental stress over the possibilities for disaster. I could slip and twist my knee, or fall over the edge and plunge down the cliffs to my death. However, as I hiked across the hard-packed snow and ice, my confidence slowly started to build. I soon realized that the conditions were quite favorable to hiking - below freezing temperatures and packed, powdery snow made for decent traction. Only twice did I consider putting on my Kahtoola Microspikes to improve my footing. I ended up not using them at all. And the cold was quite tolerable, except for the areas where we were exposed to the strong Gorge winds out in open. Fortunately I had chosen near perfect clothing, right down to my hat, gloves, boots and my new Buff Wool Buff, which proved to be so perfect as a winter clothing accessory that I will probably buy a spare.

Sunday's hiking experience has caused me to feel more confident about winter hiking. And I discovered that my existing gear will protect me very well when I give snowshoeing a try later this month.

As I work towards improving my physical fitness and fully recovering from surgery I find myself gaining more confidence every day. The knee pain has substantially lessened, I have lost weight, and built a bit of muscle as well as improved my cardiovascular fitness. Healing and increased fitness happens slow at my age, though, and I have about six more months to go before I'll be anywhere near 'peak' fitness or '100%' recovery. Until then, I'm taking on each day with everything I can muster.

And so far it is proving to be true - reaching my goals this year will definitely be about the journey.

Reflection. Connections. Projections?

2010-12-19T22:11:00.000-08:00

Now that we are in the latter half of December it is natural to let one's mind reflect back on the year's events. Certainly 2010 has been a year of ups and downs for me. In January I further injured my already ailing left knee, and by April I was consulting with an orthopedic surgeon. On June 23rd my doctor performed ACL reconstruction on my knee, and for the past six months I have been working very hard at healing, strengthing and recovering.

At this point in my recovery from surgery I have noticed that the severe 'roller coaster ride' of highs and lows has greatly diminished. After a hard workout I almost always feel fine, with only minor pain, and some swelling, around the knee. Everyday tasks like walking stairs, washing the car or shopping for hours on end are easy for me to deal with now. Through hard work, patience, and lots of good fortune I have made about a 90% recovery. In the next few months I will find out just how far I can push my knee - I'm already contemplating some new adventures, including snowshoeing and winter hiking (both of which I have avoided in the past).

Last week I attended an event sponsored by the Trailkeepers of Oregon - the annual Portlandhikers Winter Meet n Deet at Stark Street Pizza in SE Portland. This was my first time to attend the event. Before that I had only met one person from that forum. I discovered that my face-to-face experience with the forum members in attendance mirrored my online experience - they are a great group of avid hikers, who care about the environment and work hard to protect our access to wild places. I had a couple of beers, finished off a small pizza and told a few tall tales. Many of the people at this event spend at least a day or two of every week out hiking - something I'd love to work into my lifestyle and schedule! I was hoping to come away from there with some new friends to hike with. While that didn't come about quite as well as I had wished it would, I think that I at least met some great people in person, and that should help facilitate some future meetings on the trail for some fun hiking.

Okay... I have reflected on the past year. I made some great connections with the forum trollers at Portlandhikers. Now, on to projections!

With any luck, 2011 should be a banner hiking year for me. In my previous blog post I mentioned one of my goals - to hike at least 201.1 miles in 2011. If I am able to hike as often as I want to that goal will come to fruition by June. But realistically I hope to complete that mileage goal by at least September, if my health is good and if enough hiking opportunities fall in my lap.

Oh, and one more projection for 2011: after this long year of extreme narcissism (this year was truly all about ME! lol) I hope to be able to focus on other people in the coming year. Next year will be the year I work very hard at putting other people first. Part of that goal will involve some volunteer work, possibly with Trailkeepers of Oregon, maintaining trails so others can enjoy the wilderness.

It is too early to toast the new year. So Merry Christmas! At this time of celebration of the Christian holiday, I wish you all a time of peace, love and joy.

On The Sidelines

2010-12-01T23:05:00.000-08:00

November turned out to be quite an interesting month. I spent most of the latter half of the month dealing with a bad chest cold, which kept me indoors and away from my exercise/rehab program. The area of Oregon where I live was hit was a long cold spell during the same time period, with a bit of snow, ice and low temperatures usually not seen until January or February. This combination kept me housebound and off the trail for the majority of the month of November. I've definitely been on the sidelines.

This past week I was able to resume my workouts, and I quickly discovered that taking two weeks off from exercising really set me back. After making big strides in recovering from knee surgery, and hitting the trail multiple times in October, I found myself dealing with pain and reduced strength in my surgery leg. Suddenly walking up and down stairs was an issue again. Taking long walks was painful, and my balance while walking was definitely off. Great.

Sometimes answers to problems can be found seemingly by accident. And sometimes the answers have already been given to us, but we've failed to listen. I think this was the case with the most recent phase of my rehab. With the thought that I was mostly over the chest cold, I felt that easing back into exercise was the best option. Over the past weekend I took a couple of long, brisk walks with the idea that this was less stressful on my knee than other cardio workouts, like stationary biking.

Surprisingly, I discovered that the walks didn't do much to improve how I felt. So this week I decided to give a high intensity workout a try. I hit the weights, did my P.T. exercises, strength training, and 30 minute interval circuits on the stationary bike. I pushed the biking as hard as I possibly could, trying to break my previous best numbers in calories burned, energy output, and total miles. Much to my surprise, by today my knee felt fabulous, and stairs were a breeze. Stranger still, it seemed that the harder I pushed my workouts, the better my knee felt the following day. Better and stronger.

Then I recalled what other ACL reconstruction patients told me - the best thing they did during rehab was bicycling. It is a low impact workout, gets the blood flowing through the knee joints, and builds great cardio fitness. So my new, revised workout plan is this: do as much biking as possible, in combination with weight training and physical therapy exercise.

A famous, well-known quote from the mind of Friedrich Nietzsche comes to mind: that which does not kill us makes us stronger. This idea certainly may be applicable to exercise.

Goals for next year have been piling up in my mind, and I've shared them in my blog in bits and pieces. One goal I have mentioned: hike 201.1 miles during the year (backpacking and day hiking). Another goal: increase my overall strength and endurance to the point where I can cover long distances (10-15 miles per day) on backpacking trips. Reaching the summit of South Sister is definitely on my list. Hiking anywhere on Mount Hood is a high priority as well (for some reason we've always avoided hikes near Mt. Hood). But most importantly, getting off the sidelines and 'out there' as much as possible is probably my top goal. I want to try a new sport - snowshoeing - as soon as my knee will tolerate it. At this point I may be able to give snowshoeing a try by the first part of the year, say January or February.

Forced to deal with the cold weather and bad chest cold, I had plenty of down time, and time to think. Stepping back and taking a fresh look at my progress, my goals and how I plan to accomplish them could be viewed as a proverbial 'silver lining' - I have now resumed my workouts and I have clear goals in mind. I put a picture of South Sister at the top of my blog for a reason - I will summit her next year. In the meantime, I plan to spend part of every day focusing on my goals. Recovery from surgery involves hard work, and pain. But there is a third component, equally as important: patience. So for now, I will be on the sidelines, but I will not sit idle.

Call of Duty Black Ops

2010-11-20T09:39:00.000-08:00

With more than eight years of first-person shooter gaming experience under my belt, I can safely say that I have developed some modest skill at FPS gaming on the PC. In particular, I have nearly mastered the infantry style game for Battlefield 1942/Desert Combat mod (3000+ hours of gameplay will yield some positive results).

For the past two years I also played Call of Duty 4 on my PC. COD 4 is a fantastic FPS game, challenging and visually stunning. The game is so well designed that it runs efficiently on older PCs while allowing players with top of the line machines to take advantage of their system's capabilities. While I never finished the single player mode in COD 4, I did enjoy the storyline. But the multiplayer experience in that game was very satisfying, and I spent the majority of my COD 4 gaming online.

Last week I purchased the newest addition to the Call of Duty franchise - Call of Duty Black Ops. I had heard that the PC version of the game had fairly steep system requirements, so I was somewhat apprehensive about how the game would perform on my 'aging' two-year old gaming PC. After installing the game I conservatively adjusted the video settings with the hope that the game would run smoothly.

My first impression of COD Black Ops was, simply, WOW. Every bit as visually stunning as COD 4, and much better than I expected. The single player storyline takes an interesting path. Unexpectedly it starts with the interrogation of a soldier who is a Vietnam War veteran and Black Ops member. From the very beginning I was hooked. The single player experience so far has been simply amazing. I found myself totally immersed in the story, working feverishly to survive and blown away at the visually stunning graphics. My PC is showing some signs of age, as this game struggles at times to run smoothly. Possibly with some more adjustments to game settings (and a PC component upgrade or two?) I can improve on that.

I wholeheartedly recommend COD Black Ops to anyone who enjoys FPS games. You will enjoy both the single player and multiplayer modes. Be sure to check the system requirements if you plan to play it on the PC - the game requires some serious PC horsepower.

I will likely update my COD Black Ops experience sometime down the road, after I move further along in the single player story. Game on!

Is This The End - Or Just Beginning?

2010-11-14T23:42:00.000-08:00

Over the past 20 weeks I have gone through a wide range of emotions and experiences, as detailed in my last post. Tonight I asked myself a rather interesting question: have I arrived? Or is this just the beginning?

At a scheduled orthopedic doctor appointment this week I was given some interesting advice. Dr. Andres told me that while the repaired ACL in my knee has likely healed, the muscles that support the knee have not yet developed enough for me to consider myself fully recovered. The doctor recommended that I exercise caution over the next four to six months. According to his assessment, I am ready to try some light jogging, and not much else.

I didn't tell my doctor that I'd already been on five day hikes. I didn't tell him that I had successfully completed a 9-1/2 mile hike in moderately steep terrain without too much difficulty. I don't know why I decided not to tell him what I'd been up to lately. But his assessment has prompted me to do some thinking. I feel very confident about hiking with the ACL brace, on decent trails. I am always very careful. Over the years I have developed a method of hiking that maximizes my safety while minimizing the effort required. I step around obstacles instead of stepping over or on them whenever possible. I take the path of least resistance on trails. I do not take risks by stepping in places where the footing is questionable unless there is no other choice. I always use two trekking poles so I have three points of contact with the ground at all times.

This week I also took a snowshoeing class at REI. The class was just a basic introduction to the sport. Much of the information presented was not new to me, especially the trail safety related discussion. I did learn a few things about different types of snowshoes, and some of the methods used to walk in snowshoes. I suspect that what I've heard must be true - if you can walk, you can snowshoe. But my orthopedic doctor has me wondering if I'm ready to try snowshoeing yet. I might wait until next year, maybe mid-January or even February before I give it a try.

Already since surgery I have hiked some moderately rugged trails, and covered distances I never would have thought I'd be hiking at this stage. My knee is gaining strength, and the pain is gradually lessening over time. But this line of thought is what led me to ask myself, "what is the end goal?"

My renewed enthusiasm for the sport of hiking and my drive to get in the best shape of my life have kindled a new desire in me to set some lofty goals. At this point I have no desire to tackle rock climbing, mountaineering, or similar activities. But I do want to set a reasonable hiking goal for next year. Tonight I decided that my goal for 2011 is to log 201.1 trail miles, by either day hiking or backpacking or snowshoeing. I think it's a goal I can meet. In the past two months I've hiked about 30 miles on five outings. To meet my goal I need to average less than 4 miles per week. I could conceivably cover 10-15 miles per day whether I'm backpacking or just day hiking, depending on the terrain. I think this is a reasonable plan, especially if my recovery continues to progress and my fitness level continues to improve.

201.1 miles in 2011 is my goal. Wish me luck! Oh, and to answer my original question: this is definitely just the beginning of a long journey.

Confession, Obsession and Recovery

2010-11-06T20:17:00.001-07:00

If a person's life story makes for good reading, then it should be put into words and shared. I'm not sure that any parts of my life story would entertain, inform, inspire or motivate. But I do feel compelled to share part of my experience. This part of my life is about obsession, determination, perseverance and pain. The terms dramatic, slightly embellished and very personal would best describe what follows.

Fifteen years ago, at the age of 30, I wrecked my left knee playing basketball. At the time I was overweight, unfit and trying to keep up with the 20-somethings. A few weeks after my injury I underwent surgery to remove a ruptured ACL and repair the meniscus.

After surgery and rehab, I was given options: try to deal with the current status of my knee, or have ACL reconstruction surgery. Due to my financial obligations and lack of paid time off (my employer at the time was 'less than generous' with PTO) I had no choice but to find a way to get along without an ACL. I worked hard at strengthening my body, but very early on realized that I would not be able to play basketball. As a consummate gym rat, I was shattered, and found myself groping for some replacement, an outlet for my need to challenge myself athletically and find fulfillment through achievement.

I fell back on a hobby that only a year earlier I had resurrected from the past - backpacking. The challenge and thrill of trekking through the wilderness with only the stuff I could carry on my back was a perfectly suitable replacement for my lost hobby. I threw myself head-first and chin-deep into hiking. It was not easy. And it was definitely painful and problematic. Through exercise I compensated a little for the missing ligament in my left knee, but quickly found that walking the downhill stretches of a trail was a slow, arduous undertaking. My fellow hikers often left me behind as they loped down the hills, while I took one carefully measured step at a time, braced with hiking poles and determined not to fall or fail.

For fifteen years I hiked in this fashion. I have found no explanation for what kept me going all those years, except for my stubborn refusal to give up. Over time I developed other issues which further challenged me - including circulation problems in both legs. I was forced to start wearing compression socks on both legs, uncomfortable but necessary. At times the pain and swelling in my left leg were so severe that I came very close to hanging up my pack for good. These issues had numerous effects on me, not all of which were negative. I learned to slow down, and enjoy the experience. Every step, every breath, every sight and sound in the woods that came my direction seemed sweeter in a way. Over time I learned to accept my lot in life, and be thankful for what I was still able to do.

Then, the worst/best thing happened to me. I further injured my already ailing knee while goofing around on a basketball court at my daughter's school. It was January 2010, and I was once again overweight and out of shape. Through the following months I found that going down stairs, even walking was becoming difficult and painful. I found myself once again facing that same decision - should I have surgery? At this point there was no other choice.

In April I consulted with an orthopedic surgeon. Dr. Andres is a mild-mannered, dispassionate man, and at first he did not understand why I wanted to have surgery after all these years. I gave him an impassioned story about my struggles and my obsession. After a little convincing he agreed to perform the surgery.

On June 24th I went under the knife. At that point I had no idea what life would be like after surgery, and I knew that due to my health issues and my age I might have a long recovery to deal with. Fortunately my current employer is more generous with PTO so my financial obligations were more than covered.

The pain began immediately after I awoke from my slumber. From that time forward, even to the present, pain has been a constant companion. The intense pain of the first three weeks after surgery was worse than I could have ever imagined it would be. Every simple task, from eating, bathing, using the bathroom, or changing clothes caused extreme pain, and I very quickly fell into a deep depression, wondering if the agony would ever subside.

Fortunately as time passed the pain did diminish, and by the middle of the fourth week I made a triumphant return to work. From there I passed several milestones, small yet significant, in my road to recovery. My first half-day of work, my first full day, my first physical therapy appointment, my first time to walk up a flight of stairs, my first tentative trip down the same stairs, and my last physical therapy appointment, each step along the path to recovery fell into place. In my case, time really did help heal my wounds, and as my body healed, my mind and spirit found rejuvenation as well.

I felt humbled, blessed, grateful and truly lucky to make it through the first steps to recovery. My knee was healing as well as could be expected, and I was feeling that familiar urge to test myself once again. I started putting out the word, to friends and on the internet, that I was looking for a hiking partner to accompany me on my first post-surgery hike.

October 10th was the start of a new stage in life for me. The courage and energy of my hiking partner was infectious. After spending a day on the trail with 'Jess' I found myself not only reveling in the joy of completing a modest 4.8 mile hike, but also motivated to climb higher and hike farther than ever before. My accomplishment that day was one of the biggest moments in my life, an epiphanic point that changed my perspective and fueled unimaginable ambition.

Since that day I have completed four more day hikes, each one longer and more difficult. My last hike, a 9.5 mile trek on Hamilton Mountain in the Columbia River Gorge, was the longest single day of hiking I had done in 16 years. At the end of that hike I realized that with a little luck and daily exercise I could continue to improve. For the rest of 2010 I plan to further strengthen my body, do as much hiking as I can, and work towards next year's summer hiking season.

If my good fortune holds, the summer of 2011 will be my breakout year. I will hike farther and higher. Beyond obsession, hiking has now become a part of me.

Warrior Point - Sauvie Island, Oregon

2010-10-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

As planned I hiked the Warrior Point Trail with my friend. It was a great hike, and we had a good time. I chronicled the experience on the portlandhikers.org site. Here's a link to the trip report: Warrior Point Hike

We talked about doing a couple of hikes in November, before the cold weather sets in. My goal is to do at least two hikes each month between now and next summer. Gotta do my homework and find some low-elevation trails that can be hiked year-round. Time to grab a beer and a couple of trail guidebooks.

Tomorrow: Hike #4, Post Surgery

2010-10-29T22:36:00.001-07:00

Saturday's hike will be my first trip ever to Sauvie Island. It's hard to believe, since I've lived in Oregon since 1981. I've heard all sorts of things about the island, including stories about nude beaches, duck hunters, and hiking trails.

I'm meeting up with Sean, an old friend from the Sheriff's Office, for this hike. Sean and I have a continuing tradition of hiking together every year sometime in October, unbroken string going on five years now. It's a great time to catch up and get some fresh air (and sore legs) in the process.

The trail doesn't look all that challenging - 7.0 miles round trip, and basically flatland walking. The forecast for tomorrow looks better - we may not even need the raingear. Still bringing it anyway. This is Oregon after all.

My knee is feeling fine, and I've had a great workout week. I'm hitting the weights and working on core strengthening, plus riding my stationary bike, brisk walking, and stair climbing (six stories up, six stories down... about 10 trips a day on my breaks at work). My goal? drop 5 more pounds, and get in the best condition of my life. It can be done, and I will do it.

If we survive the island adventure tomorrow (October is not nude beach season, but it is duck hunting season - yeah I've got a blaze orange hat lol) I will post some pics and an update.

Cheers!

A New Direction

2010-10-22T19:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I made a decision to start blogging again, on a regular basis. I also decided that since I really know little about politics, I will quit trying to share my political opinions with the world. Having made that decision, I went into my blog and removed all political content. From now on my writing will be about my two favorite hobbies - backpacking and PC gaming.

This year has been an interesting time for me. After further injuring my already injured knee in January, and struggling with the fact that it wasn't getting better, I made the decision to have ACL reconstruction surgery. June 24th was a new beginning for me - and the start of a long process of rehabilitation. Through it all a constant theme has played out in my mind: simply put, I want to hike further and higher than ever before. For inspiration I constantly remind myself of the famous saying by Persius, Roman poet and satirist - "He conquers who endures." Certainly I have endured what anyone else has during my post-surgery recovery. And in the process I have taken a good look at myself, my life, and my future.

Recently I was far enough along in the recovery process that I felt comfortable testing my knee with an easy day hike. I chose a trail, and made plans to hike, but struggled to find someone who was willing to tag along with me. I decided that on my first trip out it would be prudent to buddy up with someone, if for no other reason than to have someone there to listen to my many long monologues. And for safety, of course.

Sadly, none of my family or friends were interested in a hike. But then I turned to a resource where I have found great inspiration - the Portland Hikers forum. One of the regular contributors on the forum, jessbee offered to tag along with me on a hike. After getting my wife's blessing, for both the hike and my choice of hiking partner, I made plans to hike the Cape Falcon trail on the Oregon Coast.

This was the start of something good! I find it hard to put into words how excited I was to lace up my hiking boots, adjust my trekking poles, toss a day pack on my back, and get out hiking. After nearly four months of hard work and suffering I was finally, really there, hiking!

I found my hiking partner to be a fun and interesting person. Jess apparently enjoys many forms of outdoor recreation, year round, and I found her attitude and enthusiasm contagious. Combine that with the emotional high of my first hike of the year (plus the first hike after surgery) and I found myself reaching levels of inspiration I hadn't attained in many years. So I owe a big 'thanks' to Jess for graciously offering to tag along with my on that hike.

Since then I have been on two more day hikes - a 7.5 mile romp through Forest Park and an 8.1 mile steep hike to Devil's Rest in the Columbia River Gorge.

I have also started pushing myself much harder, exercising every chance I get. I have found the 6-story parking structure across the street from my office to be my best source of quad-busting exercise during the work day, trekking up and down, up and down, several times a day (on my breaks, of course). I've also added strength training to the mix.

My next goal is to hit a moderately difficult trail, something in the 10-mile range, and see how that feels. If nothing else I plan to hit Forest Park again on some longer hikes. Hmmm... next year I may even give snowshoeing a try. Time to start budgeting for new gear.

Lately I have found that most of my family and friends have become must less interested in pounding boots on trails. So I find myself in need of an occasional hiking partner, well at least when I'm not in the mood for a solo trip. So here's an open invitation: if you are in the mood to hit the trail (and put up with my ramblings) just give me a shout! I'm always up for a hike these days.

New Beginnings for my favorite game server!

2010-04-09T00:22:00.000-07:00

Well, after a long run and several thousand user posts, the original Berlin 24/7 gaming forum went up in smoke. The forum host server company went out of business, and our forum management team's backup of the old forum was corrupted. Time to rebuild a brand new message forum from scratch.

So any gamers out there still interested in the venerable old game of Battlefield 1942 should go check out the newly designed Berlin forum, at berlin247.net - sign up as a member and find out what all the fuss is about.

I'm still a forum and game server mod for Berlin 24/7 so feel free to drop me a message once you're signed up on the forum.

CYA all on the battlefield!
Crusak

Long Overdue!

2010-02-17T23:41:00.001-08:00

I just renewed my domain name ownership for crusak.com and very soon I hope to make some fun changes there. Hopefully I can get the site looking more refined and less juvenile... My interests haven't changed much since I first made the site, but it hasn't changed much in almost a year now. I need a fresh look, and fresh ideas.

Blogging on a regular basis is also part of that plan. So to the rare visitor here: look to see regular postings and interesting content appearing soon.

Call of Duty 4

2008-01-29T20:10:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a couple of months since my grand adventure back into the realm of PC building. So far, my new PC is purring along smoothly. I've tried all sorts of new games (new to me at least), including Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion, The Witcher, Dawn of War, Crysis, the 'Orange Box' and Call of Duty 4.

While the music and storyline of The Witcher is spellbinding, and the graphics and riveting gameplay of Crysis is amazing, I have to say that my favorite new game is without a doubt Call of Duty 4.

I have been playing first-person shooters (FPS) for some time now. And COD 4 does not disappoint as a game from that genre. In fact, I can safely say that I am totally addicted. COD 4 offers so much of what I like about FPS games, and it has provided hours of fun thus far.

In single-player mode, you can enjoy hours of gaming in a linear mission format that may not appeal to all gamers. I have played through the first mission only in single player.

It is multi-player that appeals to me best. I enjoy the fast pace, the visual realism, and the challenge. COD 4 looks absolutely stunning on my PC. The smoke, the lighting, COD 4 is a visual masterpiece.

The game just flat out runs well. It runs as good or better than any game I've ever played before.

But, what I like most about COD 4 is the HACKS. Yes, hacks built into the game. Now you may think that I've gone over to the dark side. But actually, COD 4 allows players to unlock new weapons, weapon attachments, perks, and other rewards by accomplishing certain challenges. Oh, and by earning experience and advancing in rank. As of this writing I am at Rank 21, Master Sergeant II. Ranks max out at level 55, Commander. So yes, instead of spending risky dollars on downloaded hacks that may improve game performance (or may wreak havok on your system) you can get legitimate 'hacks' by just playing more, and by playing well. The game rewards accomplishing a multitude of challenges, involving the use of each weapon as well as performing certain acts (like falling from 30 feet and surviving).

I have only played two multi-player modes so far: free-for-all and team deathmatch. Both were fun, challenging, and immensely satisfying. There are several other modes COD 4 servers can run, including domination, search and destroy, and sabotage.

I am very glad to see a game of this quality come out at this time in my life. I've spent the past two years playing the Desert Combat mod of Battlefield 1942, sometimes 4 or 5 hours a day, and sadly, that game is fading. There are few servers that run DC/BF1942 any more. And fewer players. So ultimately COD 4 may become a replacement of sorts for what is still my current greatest obsession (DC Berlin 24/7). Hopefully I can maintain some of the friendships and sense of community I've had in DC/BF1942 during my move into the realm of COD 4. But if not, there is still plenty of entertainment value in simply playing the game itself.

Project Complete!

2007-11-28T19:05:00.000-08:00

Finally, my new PC is assembled and in working order (okay, knocking firmly on WOOD right about now). I used the exact components that were listed on my last post, with the exception of the video cards - they became 'video card'. I initially ordered two video cards, but one shipped (turned out to be defective, more on that later) and the other was backordered.

As luck would have it, nearly all of my parts (ordered from three vendors) showed up on my doorstep at nearly the exact time. I had the UPS guy and Mr. FEDEX parked in front of my house, wheeling boxes up to the front door. If that's not enough to get your heart racing, what would?

After eagerly opening and inspecting everything, I began the assembly process. I've done this before, so I felt confident that I could get the job done.

In a couple of hours I had the thing put together. After a few more hours of contemplating whether or not I wanted to wait until the next day to turn it on... I hit the switch. Blessed sounds came from inside that box (that ever-sought after single 'beep') and I was up and running.

I quickly went into the BIOS and just took a look around. I should have checked EVERY setting in BIOS - but I didn't. Then I inserted the Windows XP Pro disk and in no time short things were looking very normal. I then installed drivers. Unfortunately from here things got a little ugly.

A couple of days later, I installed Crysis and Call of Duty 4. When I attempted to play those games - I got a nasty surprise. My PC froze, after displaying wavy artifacts on the screen. Hit the reset to reboot. Oh Boy.

SO, for the next four or five days, some 24+ hours total, I did a ton of troubleshooting. I could not find the problem. And then - that backordered video card showed up on my doorstep. Oh, and I decided to TRIPLE check the BIOS settings. Lo and Behold, the voltage was much too high for the PCIe slots... hmmmm... fried that first card, yes.

I installed the second card, fixed the BIOS voltages, augmented the case fan cooling, and installed RivaTuner - and all was well. I was fragging in Crysis and COD 4 after that.

And that's my story. Always an adventure when I dig into a PC hardware project.

Today Is The Day!

2007-11-14T00:53:00.000-08:00

FINALLY after much anguish and much research, also a whole lotta begging (directed at my wife) I'm set to begin building a new computer system.

Here are my specs:

Gigabyte Aurora 570 case
eVGA 680i motherboard
Intel Core Duo 2 E6750 2.66 GHz processor
Corsair Dominator (PC8500) RAM
Soundblaster XFi xTreme gamer sound card
Saitek Eclipse II keyboard
Logitech G5 laser mouse (2nd gen model)
Western Digital 750GB SATA HDD
850w Cooler Master PSU
Samsung 20x DVD burner
NVidia 8800 GT 512 MB PCIe 2.0 video card (x2 - in SLI)
Floppy Drive / Card Reader combo unit
Samsung 226BW 22" LCD monitor
Windows XP Professional w/ SP2

The last time I built a system was March 2003, so I'm more than ready to get the party started, as they say. I also purchased The Witcher, Call of Duty 4, and the 'Orange Box' (first games I've bought in over a year).

Wish me luck! Hopefully it will all go smoothly (knock on wood, yes). I hope to be pwning people in COD4 in no time, at least by Thanksgiving. Or maybe by this weekend. Hurrrrrray!

I did go slightly over budget. Hopefully the investment will pay off. Any comments or horse-whippings welcomed.

It's time to build a new PC

2007-10-17T20:33:00.000-07:00

It's a great time to build a new PC. The components are cheaper than ever, and the options are endless. I'm shopping online and asking lots of questions. Well, actually I've been shopping for my next PC ever since I built the last one in March 2003.

I have been reading the lastest computer magazines, surfing the popular websites for purchasing components, and reading reviews and articles online. And places like Tom's Hardware have great information and step by step how-to guides for building PCs.

I have a limited budget, of course, so building one like Maximum PC's Dream Machine 2007 isn't an option. But certainly I can choose more affordable parts in the 'sweet spot' of price vs. performance and do well.

More to come. Yes, it's a great time to build a PC.

Autumn is upon us

2007-10-07T19:21:00.000-07:00

I can safely say that my favorite season is FALL. I love the crisp mornings, the fog hanging over the fields along the road as I'm driving my daughter to school in the morning, and the feeling that life is slowing down to a more tollerable pace. I'm not sure why I get that feeling during this time of year, since it is the beginning of the school year, and we're dealing with homework, fundraisers, field trips and all of the other extra activities associated with school.

Maybe Autumn signals in our brains that it's time to relax, Winter is coming, and harvest time has come and gone, so it's time to enjoy the fruits of our labors. Or possibly the colors of Fall are the cause of my feelings. Whatever the case, I like nothing better than getting out for a late season hike, somewhere that I can take in the colors and smells of Fall, before the Winter snows come to cover the land for a deep sleep until Spring.

LOL all that may seem silly, like some kind of Thomas Kincaide (sp?) picture (sorry Mom, I know you love his artwork!) gone wild.

I also experience a sense of urgency in Autumn, brought on by the thought that the hiking season is coming to a close, and I need to get in 'just one more hike' before the weather gets too awfully foul. Often I end up taking more hikes in Fall than earlier in the year, probably for that very reason.

So, when you're out for a stroll in a local park or wooded area, and you notice the Fall colors in the trees and shrubs, enjoy what nature has to offer, and relish the moment. It only comes once a year.

Now this is a very fun Battlefield 2 Mod!

2007-08-31T12:45:00.000-07:00

I recently re-installed Battlefield 2 (at the urging of a friend) and also downloaded a mod for the game called 'The Sandbox'. WOW the Sandbox Mod is very fun!

You can create objects (walls, poles, planes, tanks, etc.) and place them as you wish in the game. I've spent an hour or two placing objects all over the a map, stacking them high, placing walls, poles, vehicles, chairs, and even fish in crazy places. The mod also allows for altering the settings for things like gravity (I played with low gravity for a while, it was crazy). Nice to cause a plane to spawn and then jump in for a ride.

If you play BF2 and haven't installed this mod, you should check it out www.sandboxmod.com and let me know what you think. I'm going to go download the latest patch right now!

New computer

2007-08-17T08:14:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year when I start once again contemplating replacement of my aging computer. I built my current system in March 2003 and have since done a couple of upgrades (new video card, and 2nd stick of memory) but basically it's the same PC. There are some exciting new PC components out there right now from Intel and AMD, and hardware is cheaper that ever - except for video cards that is.

I have been researching and asking lots of questions of friends that are computer enthusiasts like me about what I should get. Of course, right now I'm just in the planning stages...

I'll no doubt start with an ASUS motherboard. I just like their products. And I live in Oregon, in the heart of Intel country, and many of my friends and neighbors work at Intel. So the processor will definitely be from Intel, most likely a quad core. 2GB RAM is minimum these days - that'll do fine for now I'm sure. I'm not likely going to do any RAID with the HD's but who knows. I will go for the fastest and biggest SATA HD's that I can fit into my budget.

This time around I'm gonna add a dedicated sound card. That will be a nice bonus. Integrated sound is fine, but takes up CPU cycles.

As for the video card - I currently have a BFG 7800GS OC AGP card with 256MB memory, and I like the BFG product line. So, I'll most likely get a BFG NVidia PCI Express card for the new machine.

Now, I just need to scrape up the money. Any suggestions and/or hardware ideas would be MOST welcome! And, it's Friday, WEEKEND HO!

xFire, anyone?

2007-08-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

About 8 months ago I discovered the fun and usefulness of xfire to monitor game servers, connect with gaming friends (and make new friends) and enrich my internet gaming experience.

Using xfire has given me a much greater knowledge of the internet, websites, gaming and computers simply because it has provided me with a network of friends and information sources that I previously lacked.

The program runs in the background and provides a simple to use in-game screenshot utility, and ingame text and voice chat. I don't use the voice chat, but as an admin on the DC Berlin 24/7 server the text chat has given me a useful tool to monitor server activities.

If you are interested in xfire, check it out at this link: www.xfire.com and add me to your friends list - I am crusak, of course!

Comcast Broadband Stinks!

2007-08-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

For those of you with sleek internet connections and service providers that always seem to get the job done, consider yourselves lucky!

I use Comcast Broadband internet (comcast.net) and their service is spotty at best on the weekends. I have several ideas about what is causing the problem(s) but nothing confirmed. Typically the service is down or intermitent on Saturday afternoons and much of Sunday. Why? Is it increased user traffic? Or server downtime/maintenance?

I've called Comcast and they have provided zero explanation.

The only choice in my area for broadband internet is Comcast. I am considering Verizon's high speed fiber optic internet service (Verizon FIOS) and if things continue I may make the switch.

Any comments or ideas regarding this would be much appreciated.

New Berlin 24/7 Desert Combat Server!

2007-08-03T23:26:00.000-07:00

Due to some technical problems (i.e. server crashes) my favorite Desert Combat game server has moved to a new server provider.

The new IP address is:

8.12.65.99:14567

If you play Battlefield 1942/Desert Combat you should visit this server. It runs the Berlin map 24 hours a day, and the mod is very fun. There are invisible ramps/stairs, hidden weapons, and some very talented infantry combat players.

For additional information about the server check out their forums at www.berlin247.net or to find out the secrets of the mod see the fantastic guide written by one of the players - Berlin Guide. See for yourself, and then come join us for a great gaming experience!

I play almost every night in the evenings... Yeah, as Crusak, of course!

I'm back!

2007-08-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

We just returned from a week long camping trip on the Oregon Coast at Cape Lookout State Park (Cape Lookout site) and it was a fabulous time!

Weather was perfect, especially considering the wet and cool weather typical of the Oregon Coast. Daytime temps were in the high 60's to low 70's and mostly sunny. Well, except for the last night, when it rained just long enough to make packing up this morning a little wet.

I could have stayed another week. Good fun!

My guest map is coming along nicely!

2007-07-28T09:53:00.000-07:00

I added a guest map to my website, www.crusak.com and the map is filling up nicely. Last night I changed the link from a text link to a graphic. It looks so much better!

Here is the link to the map:
www.mapservices.org/myguestmap/map/crusak

It was easy, and has been a fun tool to entice people to check out my site.

Almost 500 hours!

2007-07-27T09:53:00.000-07:00

I just checked my xfire profile:

Almost 500 hours I've logged since joining, wow. Time well spent? Better than watching TV, I can tell you that.

Here's a great place to play Desert Combat

2007-07-26T21:30:00.000-07:00

If you play Battlefield 1942 or the Desert Combat mod for the game, you should consider checking our the DC Berlin 24/7 server at www.berlin247.net - it attracts some of the best DC players.

Here is the site info:

Check it out, and enjoy!

It's Friday! Weekend, Ho!

2007-07-20T21:09:00.001-07:00

My blog is in it's infancy. Currently I am testing a new feature. Sorry for the lack of additional content.

It's Friday! Yay! And check out w3schools.com

2007-07-20T00:47:00.000-07:00

My website is www.crusak.com

Well, I've been teaching myself some html code with the help of www.w3schools.com and it's been SO MUCH FUN! I recommend that site to anybody who is new to html code and wants to start creating or modifying their own website.

I've added an image to my site that when clicked on opens a new browser window to this blog. Very cool!

Of course, the stuff I'm learning is just noob level html, but I've ordered a couple of books and hope to enhance my knowledge of CSS and HTML to the point that I can create a great site (and alter the look of this blog to match).

It's Tuesday

2007-07-17T09:41:00.000-07:00

I am on vacation today. Cool! We're headed out to have some fun at the Jackson Bottom Wetlands visitor center.

Here's the link if you'd like to check it out yourself:

www.jacksonbottom.org

Another day, another post

2007-07-16T14:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.crusak.com

Booyaaaaa!

Need more interesting content for this blog. I can see where other people who start blogs get exhausted with the thing because they simply run out of ideas.

2007-07-16T02:08:00.001-07:00

www.crusak.com

more stuff!

2007-07-16T01:59:00.001-07:00

I have added a hit counter, google calendar and link to this blog on my website! This is getting addictive.

here's to the start of something good!

2007-07-16T00:42:00.001-07:00

hahaha my first blog, and all because I started my own website.

www.crusak.com is the place.

that's all for this one!